If You Feel Purposeless
It is funny how you can find yourself in the place you didn’t think you were. I made a difficult decision to leave my family’s church of thirteen years last September. (Don’t worry this post isn’t about that decision, that will take a while for me to write.) I left and entered this new world that I hadn’t been in before. It has been a really good year but I felt like I lost my purpose. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing ministry wise and it scared me. It led to me just not doing anything in that area. I have been going to church on Sunday and that is about it. I joined a small group and had poor attendance. I was unable to open up to the beautiful souls I met with on Saturdays once a week. I felt directionless. A theme in my life since graduating college.
Then in May, one of my dearest friends (she’s one of the best) asked me if I would be interested in going to California in July. I would be serving at a kids camp in Posey, California. I jumped at the opportunity. Then I instantaneously felt doubt. “You are not ready for this…” “You haven’t served in a long time, you don’t deserve this opportunity.” But I fought against the doubt and I went to California. The only expectation I had was not to have any expectations. I wanted to complete this task well. I wanted to make the people that sent me proud. And most of all I desperately wanted something from God. The first day I had so many doubts and fear was present in my mind. I really wanted to just leave. I didn’t think I could do what I was there to do.
And it was amazing, I shifted my perspective. I looked at the simple fact that I was there to serve. I was there to be used by God. The first night of service I was so encouraged from the little faces looking up at me. It was overwhelming. It was freeing. Little ones are so open and they don’t judge. Their innocence makes being with them 10x more fun. We
danced during worship, not caring what we looked like, and we learned about Jesus together. Even more precious to me were the prayer times at the end of the service. Their little hands in mine, asking for sweet prayers just completely wrecked me. It was evident to me that God had placed me in California and surrounded me with the best kind of medicine for a troubled heart and it worked. The kids softened up my bitter and sad heart and it felt good. The rest of the week went by so fast and I had so many people that were just encouraging and life giving that I had an unbelievable week. It had been so long since I had felt that way.
If you are no stranger to this blog and me then you know that I have been open and honest about my feelings. I don’t want to hide them from the world. I want to be real about how I am feeling because being real is one of the last things we have in this world.
I truly believe, if we are willing, God can put us in situations that help us, He can heal us, use us, and change us.
I know that God has my best interest at heart and he will guide me (if I let him). He can help you find a new purpose if you’re feeling lost. He can lead to the places that will ultimately be the best place you can be. It all comes down to this point, are you willing to let Him?